If you thought fake babies were a weird substitute for having actual children, what do you think about monkeys? As in primates? As in monkids? Apparently, adopting capuchin monkeys and treating them just like a human member of the family is all the rage among some folks. Empty-nesters and those who can't or don't want to have actual children are shelling out big bucks for monkeys who will take their place in the family as babies who never grow up.

Lori Johnson adopted her capuchin, Jessy, because she was lonely after her children grew up and left home. Depressed, she decided that what would cheer her up would be to rip a baby monkey from its mother and dress it up in baby clothes and treat it like her own child. When Jessy became a little aggressive, Lori had the monkey's teeth removed. That solved the problem and now they are a happy little family, sharing the dinner table and even the bed. "I couldn't imagine not having her," Lori says. "We do something all the time with her."

Not all monkid stories have a happily-ever-after. Kari Bagnall, who runs a sanctuary for monkeys whose human parents could no longer care for them, sees first-hand the dark side of adopting wild animals as pets or surrogate children. "I have monkeys here that the people have had for 20 years. Never had a problem," Bagnall says. "Twenty years later, the monkey attacks. So it's just something, it's going to happen. It's not a matter of, you know, if they're going to attack. It's when."

I don't doubt that Lori Johnson, and the estimated 15,000 like her in the United States, truly love their little monkey children. And I can even see the appeal in adopting a creature that will forever remain infantile and cute. But I think it is the height of selfishness to take an intelligent creature away from its natural mother and habitat because it makes you happy.